I’ve had questions about why I use domestic discipline as a center for the relationships in the Missoula Smokejumpers series. For those who don’t know what this means – one person is in charge of the household. In my case, the man in the relationship. There are rules for the woman to follow and consequences if she doesn’t, such as various forms of punishment. Spanking is often used as both a deterrent and punishment for infractions. However, they enjoy love and heightened passion, have careers and families. This isn’t unlike any other more vanilla style aspect of relationships – we worry and frustrate, argue with our mates, long for an easier life and yes sometimes contemplate divorce or leaving our partner. It’s a fact of life – a sad one at times but it is. Modern society has changed us as humans and as partners and we expect things in our marriages that are entirely different than what perhaps those did in the fifties.
There are all kinds of movements from people longing to go back to a 1950’s household to those trying D/s for the first time – a longing they’ve had that only a few of us have the courage to admit. Some embrace easily and totally while other couples falter because of their respective pasts, demons living inside or perhaps the fear that so many of us have about being labeled “weird”. Well for so many who practice alternative forms of lifestyles, they are not weird. They are finally being themselves. Now don’t get me wrong, in the world of some kink or discipline style or whatever label you want to put on it, I’m a bit more vanilla and my DH and I don’t practice. I think he would honestly cringe given he does when I describe certain books. I simply respect the lifestyle as I pen stories about relationships. I’ve talked to many couples who have made the HUGE change and they tell me that the decision takes time, communication and fortitude. That’s why I give people who do embrace, go through all the trials and tribulations of admitting their needs and finally find the courage to do so huge kudos. BUT what I can tell you from all my communication and reading, talking to people, and spending time with others who truly allow me into their life – every relationship is different. There is no cookie cutter. There is no perfect methodology and there is no true and tried way to make it all work. In other words, alternative relationships are just as fucked up at times as vanilla ones.
So that being said, we all have demons and pasts we wish to forget. Some of us have anger management issues based on fear or trepidation about being the head hauncho. Some of us were in relationships we felt we were suffocating from and reach out to touch another human being. That can make for strife, additional arguments and tough times. Only through serious soul searching and very open communication can couples get through the tough times. This no doubt sounds like your relationship. Right? That’s why showing the various sides in the smokejumper books is so important to me. Love is tough. You really have to give all of your heart and soul to make it work. Does the power exchange really work? Do punishments provide peace in the household? Well, the answer can be a resounding ‘yes’, but this still takes work.
In talking with so many men who are the HOH (Head of Household) they are indeed afraid sometimes of hurting their wives – both physically and emotionally. They are terrified to let go and give them the punishment they’ve both talked about because of their personalities or a past that has them stymied about letting go. For the wife, and one who’s had a difficult past in whatever way herself, she knows she will have obedience issues. She realizes she’s in a position where she has to let herself go, freely communicating with her husband about her inner fears and concerns. And you know what? Sometimes they fail. A lot of times they fail. But is either going back to the old ways or worrying or crying over not being good enough failing? NO. It’s not. I’ve often written about any of these lifestyles being a journey and as such there are missteps along the way. There are times of inadequacy and worry, terror so gripping you push back hard and you argue more. At times couples will step away from the new lifestyle and go back to the old ways, only to realize they truly want to embrace the change. So, they try again, and again if necessary. We are all different and human – no cookie cutter here.
Why is it some think those who embrace a DD lifestyle don’t have a real relationship? Why do some think they haven’t had difficult or abusive pasts just like half or more of us? Hmmm… Show me a perfect past and I’ll show you a liar. Truly. We all have horrors we only sometimes share with those we trust completely. We all wish we were better people or pray to GOD we could go back and change something in the past. We all have foibles. Don’t we? People who go into this lifestyle are amazing in my mind, but they have to work through all those demons to get to a better place. And they fall and the pick themselves back up again.
In the smokejumpers books, the men all have secrets, reasons why they were drawn to the dangerous profession of smokejumping. The heroines are much the same, whether targeted by an abusive ex or running away from a horrific past. They find each other and through intimate conversations, respect and learning to trust, they secure the greatest joy of their lives – each other. Passion. Still, they harbor fears that the person they are inside will destroy their new love, the life they’ve created. Hmm… Sound like any one of us? Let me think here. They had to open up lest they lose what they fought so hard to keep. Do you see yourselves in any of these worries and fears? I think we all can easily.
I’ve also often said do NOT label anyone. We are all different so every relationship in turn is as well. What I can tell you is that every one of us longs for love, acceptance, passion, vindication and the ultimate in finding the perfect mate – IF there is one out there. Just remember the next time you happen upon a couple who is trying something different and opening up the old wounds – do NOT judge them lest you be judged. Even if they are merely characters in a book.
Have a great day and thank you to all my readers…
Don’t forget that Scorch, Missoula Smokejumpers Book Six is HOT off the presses. Read about Sawyer, my gentle giant. His story just might melt your very soul.