A Dominant’s Greatest Strength

As I finish up several books, at least two of which have very dominant heroes, I was thinking about a Dom’s greatest strength and how as authors, we have a responsibility to convey this in our books.

What do you think is the Dom’s greatest strength, the most important attribute he can bring to a D/s journey? As you might imagine, there are potentially multiple answers including various combinations of what I call light and dark. I can’t convey enough how important a Dom’s responsibility is within the dynamic. While a submissive is giving a true of her body and soul, the man is offering absolute protection and care of her dominant sayingwelfare, even above his own. Imagine how daunting this can be. Now, I read an article obviously written by a man for a man and was a bit incensed by a passage regarding Dom’s heightened level of responsibility. The author of the article also mentioned the care of a submissive/slave was akin to caring for a small child. Really? I think he forgets which sex tends to act more like a bad kid in a sandbox. But I digress…

While the responsibility is indeed very important, and not to be taken lightly, I certainly know I’m not a child and refuse to be treated like one so when I convey submissives in my books, I show confidence, an inner strength. I think this is vital on several levels.

Submissives are the strongest people I know and I hope when you read about my heroines, you gather of sense of their self worth, their love of life and their joy in sharing given their heightened level of trust in their partner.

Submissives are required to take care of themselves, as they should, whether in business on in their personal life. While a Dom feels responsible for their submissive, there is a trust that she will do what is required to stay healthy, both mentally and physically. As I’ve discussed, there is so much trust involved, and the relationships seem so strong. Dominants have their own set of fears, concerns and worries. They aren’t always confident themselves. I think therein lies their greatest strength – the ability to be human.

Yes, a Dom has many sides. First and foremost he’s a man, one who has goals and desires that have nothing to do with his submissive or the lifestyle. These needs should be embraced and nurtured as aggressively as his darker side of kink does. Like anything else, a well-rounded man will make for a better Dom. Practicality comes into play here as well. Pretty much everyone in the lifestyle lives a portion of a vanilla life, often one in which they don’t want others to know their D/s persona. Men can be very powerful in business, but often D/s is very private. He can easily go out with his best buds to a sports bar or a football game and never tell a soul he owns a submissive. Some will tell a close friend, but often they prefer to keep the joy and amazing moments shared with only their submissive. Many Dom’s are private for various reasons, but they long to share our joy with others. Many excel at talking and sharing, observing and bringing various thoughts to the relationship. Time will often give couples the opportunity to share with others.

Another attribute a Dom often needs is being a friend to their submissive – her best friend. Sometimes life goes awry and all that can be done is to be supportive. The Dom is a submissive’s greatest support, the man who knows her inside and out. On certain days, he must back down and simply be there, holding her while she cries or giving her his viewpoint, bringing her back to center. Often this involves having patience, understanding and an innate knowledge of the woman he loves. The ability to back down being the Dom and allowing her fragile side to be comforted is very precious, another trust factor. Communication is so important, just talking about every day activities, joys and sadness, bring couples closer.

There is also the romantic man, the one the submissive fell in love with. I think sometimes when outsiders or vanilla couples think of D/s relationships, they honestly don’t believe there is any passion or romance built in. Perhaps certain Master/slave couples are more formal in that she is truly more of a server to him, but I can’t imagine there aren’t some aspects of basic romance encouraged and practiced. The right balance allows smiles and lust filled thoughts. Being seductive and sexy never goes out of style. wiping her mouthAfter all, submissives are women first, enjoying being a girl, showing off a new dress or delighting their Dom with a new look.

I think that’s something valuable to remember. D/s couples are men and women first, friends and companions, lovers and couples, before they are Doms and submissives. They long to be admired and wanted, needed and affirmed. Submissives want their Dom’s excited when they walk into a room. She wants him to be proud when she’s on his arm when they go out, whether attending a BDSM setting or a gathering with family and friends. The Dom can lead the way and allow the submissive the safety and openness to be herself, no matter the setting.

Being lovers. I know many D/s couples openly admit they’re lovers. Perhaps not in the traditional sense, but the way they show each other how they feel, the deep and very intense needs, can instill the tremendous respect and ability to let go. A simple touch, the sound of a voice, the stern look or one filled with raging desire, is such a breathless mind bender. Simple things…

I asked a Dom, who I became friends with, what he believed his greatest strength or attribute was and his answer was two fold. He believes his ability to observe, then draw conclusions, which in turn allow him to develop a plan if needed, is important. He also told me he believes his level of patience is an attribute he prides himself in. I have to agree. He can look outside the box – whether we’re talking with me or about the situation – and determine how to handle or what’s best. He’s also been required to have extreme patience with his submissive.

Being a Dom. The words alone are thrilling for so many, both in writing and in real life. His standards are set high, both for himself and his submissive. He values her opinion but in the end what he commands will be, whether we’re talking rules or objectives. He helps mold his submissive, but in turn himself and his behavior as well. Is he setting an example? Well of course.

A Dom’s greatest strength? Simply being himself.

What do you think?

Kisses and spanks…

Piper

PS – Don’t forget that Scorch, the sixth in the Missoula Smokejumpers series will be released on April 20th. Sawyer’s story – a gentle Dom…

Advertisements

SPECIAL GIVEAWAY – HONOR AND OBEY

I have what I hope you’ll find an awesome giveaway and one I planned very carefully. Honor and Obey is my latest release from Blushing Books and as the title suggests, this is about three different couples and their struggles with regard to their relationship. After talking, arguing, going to counseling and almost breaking up, each couple determines domestic discipline might be the only chance at saving their relationship.

Domestic Discipline isn’t for everyone. Changing to a situation where the man is the absolute head of household is challenging and requires significant discussion as well as complete honesty shared. Methods of discipline for rules infractions are doled out and as you can imagine, this is often gut wrenching in acceptance for both the man and the woman. There’s something else that is vital – love. Without love and total commitment to each other, there is simply no way couples will flourish on what some consider to be an incredible journey.

In penning six stories for the two volumes, I hope the love shines through. Often symbols are used to signify the change. Did you happen to notice the necklace on the cover? I had my brilliant cover designer, Brenda Gonet, find just the right picture for the cover. A necklace (or what some call a collar) signifies the woman’s submission or acceptance of the man in her life as the head, the leader and the protector. I think the depiction is beautiful.

I have a wonderful friend, Sandy Leigh Davis, who is my fabulous fan page administrator and an amazing jewelry designer. So, I had her create a necklace as a give away. This is a one of a kind. Take a peek at the picture. This is the exact necklace I’m giving away. Here’s a little bit about her company, Leigh’s Creations.Give away necklace

Sandy Leigh Davis was born in Arkansas but raised in Mississippi. She’s been married for 31 years in October to the love of her life. She has two grown son’s the oldest son is a police officer with three children which she keeps during the week. The youngest son is a Calvary Scout in the Army. She has always loved different types of jewelry and enjoys creating different pieces. She has turned her love for the craft into a business called Leigh’s Creations. She makes Necklaces, Earrings, Bracelets, Key rings and Bookmarks. She’s learning new techniques for creating unique pieces. She would love to create a unique and special piece for you.

You can contact her on her Facebook page Leigh’s Creations or email her a leighscreations68@gmail.com

I can tell you that her creations are gorgeous and I have many items that will be give aways in the future – BUT – never a necklace like this one. What do you have to do in order to win?

First, you’re going to have to read the book in order to answer the question. If and when you know the answer, email me at piperstonecreations@gmail.com with the answer. Those who answer correctly will be entered into a drawing for the prize. On this coming Tuesday, I’ll select the winner. What’s the question?

In Her Silence, Chad thinks of four important words about Raven’s submission just after he asks if she’s ready for her punishment. What are they? 

Thank you so much to everyone who’s read and loved this book. Please let me know what you think! Volume two will be released in early November. Here’s the purchase link. Remember, free on KU so what’s stopping you from enjoying and taking a chance?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0757YYM64/

Natural Order Within a Relationship

Is there such a thing? Well, the words can mean many different things to each one of us. Perhaps the word ‘order’ is akin to organization or to keeping your life in a particular place. I have a wonderful book coming out next week highlighting three different couples going through significant enough difficulties in their relationships that divorce in imminent. Each one tries domestic discipline almost as a last resort. dominant sayingHow do they handle their need to change? I hope you’ll check out Honor and Obey volume one.

I love having lively discussions about alternative lifestyles and while researching over the years, have talked to many men and women both D/s (Dominant/submissive) and DD (Domestic Discipline lifestyles. Recently, a male friend who every so often reads one of my books asked whether I believed BDSM and its various sister relationships such as D/s, M/s and DD could coexist with religious individuals. I think he means living in, working in and perhaps in a sense playing in the same space. Hmm… That does leave one to a big pause. My beliefs may be a bit jaded. Many of you may have read that domestic discipline has roots in Christianity. I mentioned that in a recent blog. If you Google the words you’re going to find many a site embracing the concept with a heavy dose of religion. The faith seems to be there along with the understanding, and my guess from taking passages from the Bible, that men were created to be the head of the household. All throughout the various passages within the sacred book, there are references to the man being in control.

Even if you follow the way of evolution, male apes were hunters and gatherers. They protected the women and the children of the clan. They were the ones who fought to the death if necessary. Through every century, every period of time there were certain punishments issued for wrong doings.

In the medieval days, punishment was doled out for misbehaving women who fought against their required duties. Spanking was regularly used. Even art work derived from eighteenth and nineteenth centuries depict wives over their husband’s knees receiving a hard spanking. There were other methods of punishment clearly seen and written about as well. If you’ve read anything about the period of time, you know there were torture chambers that would kick the butt of anything today. However if you look at the pictures, truly see what methods of discipline were being used, well… Are those the early beginnings of BDSM? Perhaps. From stockades to whipping stations, whips crafted from the hide of a cow to the invention of a cane, the methods were primitive but highly effective.

In other words since the very beginning of time until fairly recently there seemed to be that “natural order” and the concept wasn’t challenged, rarely pushed against. There was no question of women obeying their fathers then their husbands. They simply did as they were told.

Perhaps somewhere around the industrial age the thought of equality came into the forefront. Women’s rights took ahold and we know the world as it is today. Don’t get me wrong. I completely believe in women’s rights and they can be much better suited to run a corporation, should hold office, and serve in the military. However… if you’re spiritual at all you might embrace the concept that the natural order of things has been disturbed. Women began to take on more of the workload, both in and out of the home. As they began to earn money they of course spent more time out of the house and equality for women was born. I’m not here to negate the facts or to take sides, other that you’ve heard me say before I believe men have been rather emasculated by equal rights. Men feel it every day even though they might not want to say anything.

I don’t know exactly when the word “obey” was taken out of the marriage vows, but pretty much the culture was the deciding factor. Households became very equal and both the man and the woman shared everything, including stress. Arguments about money, family, friends and life became a mainstay and depending on how close or how far apart you grew as a couple seemed to depend on the rate of divorce.

No one wins these arguments either and you know the type I mean. We’ve all had a screaming battle with our spouse over what turned out to be n-o-t-h-i-n-g. The incident left a bad taste in our mouths and we usually raced away in anger, seething. Often times we went to bed enraged. Sometimes the wretched event started all over again. Who wins in this situation? No one. I can tell you that many of these kinds of arguments have left a bitter taste that lingers into months, even years later. What if you could do away with that level of angst? What if you both knew the rules and realized what would happen if they were broken? Sounds simplistic but…

My male friend has grown curious, especially since he’s read some of my stories. He’s been exploring more on sites such as Fet Life and has been reading Tied in chair 2articles and blogs, talking to Dom’s as well as searching the Internet in his quest to learn more. He realized, just like I have, the many couples are again turning toward more of a domestic discipline type relationship. Why? Probably because marriages aren’t working. We don’t have to look at a book of statistics to realize how high the divorce rate is. Even I’ve mentioned marriages should be like a lease on a car. Every five or ten years the lease is up, then you re-evaluate to determine if changes are needed or you simply terminate.

What if the relationship was based on the set of rules and the wife obeyed the husband period? There was no question, no wishy washy. Hmm… Let’s ponder the modern day version. She’d probably have an outside life including work and friends, a budget to spend and the opportunity to do what she wants within limits. What would be the major changes? She’d be required to tell her husband where she was going and have permission. She couldn’t spend the credit cards to the hilt. She’d have to do whatever chores were assigned to her and yes, she’d please him in methods of sexual pleasure as well. None of these are set in stone. Of course every couple has a choice to make their relationship what they want it to be, including every rule imposed. Couples talk about the rules together and determine which work. Then the husband often makes the final decisions. But if she broke the rules she would be punished.

There is some difference in a D/s (Dominant/submissive couple) but they have the same basic structure. The word is ‘structure’ and for many women, they truly embrace the love and devotion, the attention and care the husband/Dom has. They feel adored and cared about, safe and protected. They know they can go to him and ask for help and when they feel stressed even a spanking might make them feel less tense. If you really stop and think about the dynamics, doesn’t this seem natural? He’s the caretaker, the hunter and gatherer in the modern day sense, and he has your best interest at heart. What could be wrong with this? Just some thoughts.

Kisses…

Piper

HONOR AND OBEY SYNOPSIS – COMING AUGUST 30th

Honor and Obey—cherished words from the past and ones that can be difficult to live by. Relationships are difficult at times and arguments or bitter feelings can often Honor and Obey_500x755result in the destruction of love. What if an alternative lifestyle can change everything? What if love and trust can be reborn, wrapped in a blanket of obedience? Will the couples take the chance in the hope of saving their love?

Her Gift

Her Request

Her Silence

Three couples. Three stories of heartache. Three reasons to learn to honor and obey.

Do they have what it takes?

Domestic Discipline – My Thoughts

I have a wonderful compilation of stories coming out in two volumes in the next couple of months called Honor and Obey from Blushing Books. They are all about couples who’ve had difficult relationships and are heading for divorce or an end to their romance. They’ve tried every traditional method of repair from counselors to talking, being more romantic and sharing fears and worries with friends and family. Nothing works. Through various methods, they each happened upon the concept of biting her lipdomestic discipline. First of all, what does this mean?

Domestic discipline is a lifestyle where the man (yes, this can be a same sex couple but in my stories, they are all men and women) is the Head of Household. The man rules so to speak and the woman obeys, given rules to follow and parameters. When they disobey, they are disciplined or punished. This can mean a removal of privileges, washing the woman’s mouth out with soap and yes, spankings. Before you gasp, there are many documents written that this is based in some form of Christianity. Now, I’m not a practicing Christian, although I do believe there must be a higher deity, but I find it quite interesting that many very religious people scoff that this couldn’t be Christian in any manner. Well, why not?

From as long ago in recorded documents, you see that the man was in charge of the household. Only in recent history – we’re talking in the past hundred years – has the woman been given more equality. Today, at least in modern societies such as the United States, Canada and other western style countries, the woman has full equality. They make their own decisions and often there is a push pull in relationships as to who is the actual leader in the relationship. I think we all know that having two leaders can be difficult whether in times of war or peace, in a corporation or in a family setting. You can’t deny this.

So, what happens with two very strong heads butt together? Well, there is going to be some kind of war. We see this every day. Do you honestly think this is any different in marriages or living together situations? Uh, no. Think about your own relationship. Do you have times where you’re trying to make a decision and you are both polar opposites? Whether this is about purchasing a car or what location to take a vacation, we all have opinions and I don’t know about you, but I have no problem whatsoever expressing mine. You bet I’m bold and often aggressive. Forget the assertive part. When I want you to know something, you bet you’re going to hear. Does that bode well for harmony in the household? Not usually. We all try and get along, give and take. Right? How is it working for you?

Have any of you been close enough to divorce that you’ve questioned the very reason you got together with your significant other in the first place? You can’t lie. For the majority of us, this has happened at least once. What if you could take away a significant portion of the strife? What if there is one leader and ultimately what he says goes? I know. This takes some thought process, doesn’t it? In a time where divorce rates remain very high, the notion at least should be given some thought. That’s why I’ve written many stories and books about domestic discipline. I’ve also talked to many couples who live this lifestyle, even spent time on forums and in discussion rooms talking to men and women. They’ve been very frank and honest about their personal difficulties. And yes, you bet their candid representation has given me more than one question in my mind. Could this work?

First of all, not to be taken lightly by any means. There must be many discussions, a lot of personal reflection time and total honesty – not something everyone can do. Oh, and so you know, this lifestyle does not necessarily mean aspects of BDSM – which so many think it does. Can there be elements? Yes, including various sexual concepts, but for the most part, men and women living this are similar to you and I in almost every regard – except – she follows his rules. And there’s something else that’s tremendous in what I’ve learned. Couples who practice are much closer. They are honest to a fault, the love is amazing and yes, their belt in his handspassion increases.

Imagine a scenario. The wife is given a spending allowance and overspends by a couple hundred dollars, making paying the mortgage difficult that month. She knows better. She’s right there in understanding their needs, but decides the dress and shoes for herself or the kids is much more important. This is a very basic example but go with it. Should she be punished?

Hmmm… In domestic discipline, the husband will sit down and talk with her about her reasons why. Hopefully she’ll explain that she’s been down lately and needed a pick me up. They’ll come to an agreement about what to do next time, then he’ll establish her punishment. Perhaps he’ll issue a severe spanking followed by corner time. Then the issue will go away, no need to discuss further. She’s absolved and hopefully has learned that this kind of behavior isn’t in her best interest. Sound too simplistic?

I was talking with a friend the other day about these kinds of books and she totally disagrees that this is based in Christianity, although she flat out stated that the Bible teaches that men should be in charge and the woman should obey. O-kay. Don’t you think there are consequences in every aspect of what we do in our lives? If you break the rules and speed, a cop stops you. What do you think happens? Have a nice day and don’t do that again. No. You receive a ticket and pay for your sins. Why should there be any difference in a relationship? Again, this is pretty simplistic, but I think you get the point.

We are all different in what we want, need, require in our relationships and quite frankly, the total honesty shared goes out the window at some point. I don’t know a single couple that’s really happy. They’ll lie and have that huge smile on their faces when you come over, but what goes on behind closed doors is often ugly, even disgusting. There’s little or no respect left. Then why bother? Get that divorce. Move on your merry way and sink into another relationship. Repeat. You can argue and be unhappy or change. What if you could have enough courage to try something off the chain?

I don’t know. I’m so mouthy I think I’d be in trouble all the time, but if I knew there were consequences regarding my decisions, I might change my behavior after some time. I could also see that talking very frankly could lead to a closer relationship. How could it not? Passion is another thing. When you are so open with another, you are naturally drawn to that person. I can only imagine what this would do for a sexual relationship.

While these are just my thoughts, I try and bring the joy, the sorrow and the fear into my books, to try and honor those who’ve taken that huge step. They are just like you and me with worry about money, the kids, health issues, family disagreements and what’s for dinner tonight. They simply took a leap of faith.

Something to think about on this beautiful day…

Kisses…

Piper

Confessions of a Sinful Submissive

Forgive me my Sir, for I have sinned. I’ve forgotten to do my chores today, received a speeding ticket for going fifteen miles over the speed limit and masturbated in the office bathroom at lunch. I know I deserve a hard spanking!

You can laugh, but I often wonder how many submissives need to confess various sins on a regular basis. In writing, I try and bring the level of angst along with the blindfolded in chairultimate love, worry and fear, understanding and forgiveness. Both the Dominant and the submissive are challenged by each other. Confessing often expedites the difficult situation. Or so a submissive would like to think. Could I or would I confess? Hmmm…

I’m a rather opinionated woman. I think any Dom would have a difficult time controlling me and admitting my sins? I’m not certain I would be good at that. I have two books coming out – volumes of stories where the women in the relationship learn that being obedient, submissive and receiving discipline for their sins creates harmony in the home. Is that really possible? Would confession actually help?

In Honor and Obey, I explore these questions and more. I absolutely loved getting into these characters, finding that moment they finally open up, share their inner soul. Tougher to do than you think.

Confessions. The word itself means so many different things. Whether you’re confessing a sin, a want or need, or a varying aspect of your personality others aren’t aware of, divulging secrets can be uncomfortable. We all have various thoughts or desires that we keep secret, but often things occur when we least expect them, requiring us to air our dirty laundry. People are very complicated, complex, as well as completely different inside and out, and that makes for interesting friends, lovers etc. I think one aspect that remains true for all of us – we long for acceptance. I’m realizing this more and more lately.

When I write stories, whether D/s, paranormal or gritty horror, there’s always an element of one or more characters who are hiding something grizzly. Readers savor peeling an onion, finding the juicy yet fallible center. We root for the bad guy in television and movies, and let’s face it, what girl doesn’t hunger for the rough-hewn biker type? While the exterior may be a little rugged around the edges, the heroes of our dreams all have a soft center. By the end of the book or movie, they’ve opened up to the woman they hunted, confessing their dark desires as well as intimate details about their past. The formula is all the same in romance novels. Boy meets girl, boy chases girl and he, she or both have a dirty little secret. He chases her. He pushes him away. Then they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after on a ranch/mansion/magical island. Yeah, right.

My D/s stories are quite a bit different, don’t you think? Why are they? Because of the added complexity of living in a sense two completely different lives. You live one every day when you work, spend time with certain friends and around your mother in law. You live another entirely when you’re behind closed doors. Your obedience to your Master truly begins. This is very much the way of D/s couples. The vanilla world may never know who we (yes, I place myself in this category due to what I write) truly are.

The majority of women are strong willed, very opinionated and don’t mind telling the world their thoughts. I know I push hard, often raging against the machine. In talking with several Heads of Households, they love a spirited woman who speaks her mind. They simply want to be obeyed. Again, I think with a D/s relationship, the very frank and open lines of communication allow for very pointed discussions that include various uncomfortable topics. This alone pushes away the need to hold a secret.

Let me as you a couple of questions. Are you ready to confess your sins to your lover, your Dom, your family? Can you tell the most important people in your life who you really are? Can you rip off the mask and expose your underbelly? I think for a lot of us, the question remains unanswered. We’re terrified of being made fun of, ridiculed too hungry to waitfor our beliefs. I’m not a religious person in any manner, but I do appreciate the Catholic Church and the ability to confess your sins. Once the act is complete, the confessor is exonerated, free of their evil or wicked deed. The sins are stated behind closed doors, anonymity a promise of secrecy. I’ve often wondered if some very creative murderers dropped various clues simply to unload burden from their souls.

While God and the church might be forgiving and non-prejudicial, some of our loved ones just might not be as accommodating. Then there’s the other aspect, confessing your needs to yourself. Often times we can be our own worst enemy. We anguish over our dark desires, as if they’re a bad thing. There isn’t a Dom or a Head of Household, husband or boyfriend in a vanilla life that doesn’t or shouldn’t do the same thing. We all need to expunge, cleanse.

The circles surrounding D/s or DD couples are often small. The reasons are simple. We’re judged all the time as humans. Why do we want to bring additional strife into our life? While I’m a ballsy chick and could care less the majority of the time about what others think, I grow as weary of the bullshit as anyone else. So the circles of those who truly understand an alternative lifestyle are kept intimate. We’re happy with that. The joy of sharing is wonderful indeed and I’m glad we have a select few who will never judge, but the risk with others isn’t worth the prize. So we keep the dark side a secret from the overall majority.

As we all know, there isn’t a person alive who isn’t keeping some sort of a secret from someone. White lies are often told and husbands and wives have a very separate life many times than the one they live with. I’ve seen many a vanilla marriage derailed over purported secrets, ones that didn’t even exist. When they do and they’re discovered, wound and trauma tend to ensue. Granted, when one spouse confesses to another, all hell can break lose. Should he or she have opened their mouths after being confronted? That’s a question I can’t answer, but personally I believe when someone is keeping a significant secret, there’s a great deal of unhappiness in their lives.

With regard to a D/s relationship – do I believe in the lifestyle? I honestly do believe the sharing, the giving and the closeness is unequaled. I revel at the thought. Could I find peace, a portion of my soul? That is for another blog to discuss…

I hope you’ve enjoyed.

Kisses and spanks…

PS – I’ll have some excerpts for you later this week along with the cover reveal!

Piper