I have a wonderful compilation of stories coming out in two volumes in the next couple of months called Honor and Obey from Blushing Books. They are all about couples who’ve had difficult relationships and are heading for divorce or an end to their romance. They’ve tried every traditional method of repair from counselors to talking, being more romantic and sharing fears and worries with friends and family. Nothing works. Through various methods, they each happened upon the concept of domestic discipline. First of all, what does this mean?
Domestic discipline is a lifestyle where the man (yes, this can be a same sex couple but in my stories, they are all men and women) is the Head of Household. The man rules so to speak and the woman obeys, given rules to follow and parameters. When they disobey, they are disciplined or punished. This can mean a removal of privileges, washing the woman’s mouth out with soap and yes, spankings. Before you gasp, there are many documents written that this is based in some form of Christianity. Now, I’m not a practicing Christian, although I do believe there must be a higher deity, but I find it quite interesting that many very religious people scoff that this couldn’t be Christian in any manner. Well, why not?
From as long ago in recorded documents, you see that the man was in charge of the household. Only in recent history – we’re talking in the past hundred years – has the woman been given more equality. Today, at least in modern societies such as the United States, Canada and other western style countries, the woman has full equality. They make their own decisions and often there is a push pull in relationships as to who is the actual leader in the relationship. I think we all know that having two leaders can be difficult whether in times of war or peace, in a corporation or in a family setting. You can’t deny this.
So, what happens with two very strong heads butt together? Well, there is going to be some kind of war. We see this every day. Do you honestly think this is any different in marriages or living together situations? Uh, no. Think about your own relationship. Do you have times where you’re trying to make a decision and you are both polar opposites? Whether this is about purchasing a car or what location to take a vacation, we all have opinions and I don’t know about you, but I have no problem whatsoever expressing mine. You bet I’m bold and often aggressive. Forget the assertive part. When I want you to know something, you bet you’re going to hear. Does that bode well for harmony in the household? Not usually. We all try and get along, give and take. Right? How is it working for you?
Have any of you been close enough to divorce that you’ve questioned the very reason you got together with your significant other in the first place? You can’t lie. For the majority of us, this has happened at least once. What if you could take away a significant portion of the strife? What if there is one leader and ultimately what he says goes? I know. This takes some thought process, doesn’t it? In a time where divorce rates remain very high, the notion at least should be given some thought. That’s why I’ve written many stories and books about domestic discipline. I’ve also talked to many couples who live this lifestyle, even spent time on forums and in discussion rooms talking to men and women. They’ve been very frank and honest about their personal difficulties. And yes, you bet their candid representation has given me more than one question in my mind. Could this work?
First of all, not to be taken lightly by any means. There must be many discussions, a lot of personal reflection time and total honesty – not something everyone can do. Oh, and so you know, this lifestyle does not necessarily mean aspects of BDSM – which so many think it does. Can there be elements? Yes, including various sexual concepts, but for the most part, men and women living this are similar to you and I in almost every regard – except – she follows his rules. And there’s something else that’s tremendous in what I’ve learned. Couples who practice are much closer. They are honest to a fault, the love is amazing and yes, their passion increases.
Imagine a scenario. The wife is given a spending allowance and overspends by a couple hundred dollars, making paying the mortgage difficult that month. She knows better. She’s right there in understanding their needs, but decides the dress and shoes for herself or the kids is much more important. This is a very basic example but go with it. Should she be punished?
Hmmm… In domestic discipline, the husband will sit down and talk with her about her reasons why. Hopefully she’ll explain that she’s been down lately and needed a pick me up. They’ll come to an agreement about what to do next time, then he’ll establish her punishment. Perhaps he’ll issue a severe spanking followed by corner time. Then the issue will go away, no need to discuss further. She’s absolved and hopefully has learned that this kind of behavior isn’t in her best interest. Sound too simplistic?
I was talking with a friend the other day about these kinds of books and she totally disagrees that this is based in Christianity, although she flat out stated that the Bible teaches that men should be in charge and the woman should obey. O-kay. Don’t you think there are consequences in every aspect of what we do in our lives? If you break the rules and speed, a cop stops you. What do you think happens? Have a nice day and don’t do that again. No. You receive a ticket and pay for your sins. Why should there be any difference in a relationship? Again, this is pretty simplistic, but I think you get the point.
We are all different in what we want, need, require in our relationships and quite frankly, the total honesty shared goes out the window at some point. I don’t know a single couple that’s really happy. They’ll lie and have that huge smile on their faces when you come over, but what goes on behind closed doors is often ugly, even disgusting. There’s little or no respect left. Then why bother? Get that divorce. Move on your merry way and sink into another relationship. Repeat. You can argue and be unhappy or change. What if you could have enough courage to try something off the chain?
I don’t know. I’m so mouthy I think I’d be in trouble all the time, but if I knew there were consequences regarding my decisions, I might change my behavior after some time. I could also see that talking very frankly could lead to a closer relationship. How could it not? Passion is another thing. When you are so open with another, you are naturally drawn to that person. I can only imagine what this would do for a sexual relationship.
While these are just my thoughts, I try and bring the joy, the sorrow and the fear into my books, to try and honor those who’ve taken that huge step. They are just like you and me with worry about money, the kids, health issues, family disagreements and what’s for dinner tonight. They simply took a leap of faith.
Something to think about on this beautiful day…