Advice from a Dominant

I’ve been writing books since I was five – yes five years old. Of course, my books have changed quite a bit, but I remember doing research in various ways from early on. That’s what professional writers do – they research. And I’ve enjoyed the heck out of it, including learning more about D/s lifestyles. I have one particular male friend I’ll call JP. He’s only been a practicing Dominant for a few years so it’s been wonderful to see his journey.

Advice. I think we all need some on a regular basis. Some of us have mentors in our domination love sayingprofessions or perhaps while we were in school. He or she can give credence to issues or simply tell their story while offering support. Some also engage in helping with discipline, whether for the mind or body. When couples or a man or women alone decide to enter into a D/s (Domination and submission) relationship, my belief is that they certainly should have advice from someone who’s explored even for a brief period of time. For many who long to submit or dominate another, they feel out of place, alone in the world. Well of course, they certainly aren’t.

BDSM and the various aspects are growing in household between couples and singles. This isn’t simply because of the popularity of Fifty Shades. Many long for increased passion, nurturing, and yes, even discipline.

I had lunch with a couple of girlfriends the other day and we were talking openly about the D/s lifestyle. I’ve mentioned in a previous blog that one of my friends surprised me with a text one Sunday evening. She asked if I could find her a particular color of flogger. I choked, re-read the text then laughed. Why? Because not in a million years would I have anticipated she hungered to even try anything remotely kinky. She’s ultra conservative and had never really asked me any questions before.

What’s been confirmed since that sunny evening is that you never know what goes on behind closed doors – and not just in bedrooms. She has a male friend who is submissive and she decided, after many weeks of intense conversations, that she wanted to explore becoming a Domme. This can be a heady task, especially given she has zero clue what she’s getting into. She’s highly intelligent and immediately gravitated toward the realization she needs to learn everything she can before making this decision. She remembered everything I’ve shared in writing and my discussions with John Patrick and asked if she could talk with him.

I was pleased and of course initiated the call. He accepted and a week ago they talked. This wasn’t a secret conversation so both told me what was said from their point of view. As with any situation between a man and woman, the sides can be filtered in a different manner. In talking with JP, he said she was very open and honest about the fact she knew little. He felt she was looking for affirmation that what she was attempting was ‘okay’. He assured her she wasn’t alone and that entering into any phase of the lifestyle is joyous, but certainly daunting.

He went on to tell me he expressed how important it was for her to be patient with herself as well as with her male friend. He could sense there was a very tight connection between them and encouraged her to continue asking questions, as well as reading everything she could get her hands on.

I found out during lunch, my gal pal and her guy aren’t romantically involved. They are friends, but she also mentioned connection is strong. The reason is that he can be himself with her, telling her aspects of his needs as a submissive he feels uncomfortable doing so with many of the women he dates. Let’s face it, the majority of women see men as a strong being, even if they don’t want them to be dominant every day. He has basic fears as we all do of being accepted.

What I found so interesting during our lunch was that JP stressed to her constantly the word ‘communication’. He told her candidly that he and I could talk for hours more openly than he has ever been able to in his life. This is very true. There were no masks. We left ourselves wide open and vulnerable, but in doing so, learned very quickly how much trust we had for each other. And this is all for research – as well as friendship.

She was very impressed with the time he took, his caring attitude and how strongly he felt about the lifestyle in general. For many, including aspects of D/s or BDSM is about spicing up an already existing coupling. In the case of my friend, she has no desire to take the domination to any other level than time spent together – without being a full time couple. The challenge for her is that she’s not certain how far she can take their belt around throatdesires at this point. I understand very much why she’s a bit hesitant. When you dabble in D/s or BDSM, this doesn’t change the fact you have to have complete trust. You must communicate on an entirely different level than you would even as a married couple. I’ll firmly stand behind this.

You can’t delve into methods of control, pain, confinement or discipline without utter open communication and deep conversations. If you do, you’ll be setting yourself up for failure. For JP, I don’t see him as the kind of man or Dom who could enter into just playtime. I know that he would enjoy going to a kink club that was vetted out and even partaking in various play, but in totality, he needs to feel the very intrinsic connection  – even love. I understand this as well and with everything I’ve learned through these conversations with him, as well as other D/s couples, I couldn’t either. That’s just how I’m made – my very soul.

For my girlfriend, she’s not ready for a committed relationship. She was married, never shared a bit of BDSM with another, and this is very new. She’s eager, but cautious. She’s curious and now more intrigued than ever. I have no doubt she’ll continue learning. As we were talking over lunch, she said he became animated when he mentioned the use of implements for discipline. He went over everything from a hand spanking, a paddle, a flogger and his favorite, the belt. I couldn’t help chuckling when he talked about how exciting the use of a belt had been for him.

I remember detailed conversations about this very topic. He advised wisely to go slow, take her time and learn how to use a flogger before wielding.

Again, I’ve said this very thing time and time again. Learn your craft as you would any other. You can hurt the body as well as the spirit if you don’t know what you’re doing. She was absolutely adorable when she admitted how surprised she was the flogger she ordered was being hand made by a craftsman. She thought a flogger was a flogger no matter where you ordered the leather strap from. Her eyes and mind opened wide when I explained how they’re made and why. As you may remember, JP has a special bag – his collection of tools he took his time in selecting and ordering. He took plenty of time learning the craft of using them as well.

I knew in asking JP to talk with her, guide her as she takes baby steps, he would find the right way to encourage as well as caution. From what I could tell as lunch concluded, he’d done just that. Is she going to jump into the lifestyle? Of course not. She’s determined to read and talk to others. I applaud her for her time and consideration as D/s isn’t to be entered into lightly.

I have to say, I’m very proud of JP for his teaching ability as I am with her pointed questions. I’m smiling still and can’t wait to hear more from her as she takes additional steps into such an amazing journey.

Kisses and spanks…

 Piper

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Public or Private Spankings?

Or both… Were you spanked as a child? If you were, do you remember when you were out with one or both of your parents either shopping, dining or at a friend’s house and you misbehaved? What did your parents do? After attempting to curtail your ridiculous behavior, did you get that look? You know the one I’m talking about. Perhaps followed by a whisper telling you in no uncertain terms that you were getting a hard spanking whenbend over saying,jpg your returned home?

I remember that from being a child. I’d sit in the back seat of the car on the ride home dreading, worrying, sniveling as quietly as possible. My father was usually the disciplinarian, but never did he spank me in public or even in front of close friends. However, a school friend of mine had a different life. I remember on several occasions where her father would find a hardback chair, yank it into the middle of the group and give her a severe bare assed spanking while everyone watched. He’d even send her to the corner afterwards. In my opinion, traumatizing for a child.

But what about as an adult? Hmmm… I write in several genres from suspense and thriller to BDSM with spanking usually taking at least a small part of the plot. I realized that in several of my pieces, there was some form of public discipline, or what might be considered humiliation. Of course, there are more severe forms of this from stories about real life to fantasy. I’ve thrown a bit of that into more hard core books as well, but for this blog, I’m talking about a good, old fashioned, over the knee kind of spanking.

For a solid percentage of couples involved in the lifestyle – married, engaged or just dating – the man is the head of household. There are rules for the lovely lady to follow and punishment if they aren’t. Rules infractions can include things such as back talking, swearing, making a fool of ones  self in public, as well as more egregious breaches in pre-set regulations. So I have to ask this question – has your significant other spanked you in front of friends or even in a more public environment?

You know what I mean. Let’s say you were at a friend’s barbecue and you and your partner began to argue. Little things at first but moods grew increasingly worse, the quips turned sarcastic, even cascading over into conversations with friends. What would the head of household do in this case? Would he smile, take your arm and lead you to a quiet area, reminding you that you’re both trying to enjoy an afternoon and suggest, in no uncertain terms, that you cool it? Would it be followed by the “look”? Stern, wooden hairbrushforeboding, controlling and one that made you quiver?

What if you refused to follow the command? What if you wanted to have a good time and developed an attitude? What would he do next? I think for many couples, this can be a daunting issue. Do you leave the party, making some excuse? Do you allow the behavior to continue unchecked? These can be difficult questions. I’ve talked to many couples where the husband actually finds a quiet spot, perhaps a bedroom or a family room that is somewhat sequestered and at minimum pulls the wife over his knee, giving her a hand spanking. This is likely to be followed by a promise of more severe punishment when you both returned home. Can you imagine her thoughts?

Did anyone see or hear? Do others at the party know I’m a well spanked woman? Will anyone look at me differently? And the anticipation of later… Whew. What if he took the situation a step further? What if…he didn’t find a secluded spot and simply pulled you over his knee, lifting your skirt and spanking you right in front of all your friends? What if he announced to everyone that you were getting a spanking beforehand? Can you imagine the humiliation? I have heard of couples who use this practice. Effective? Perhaps.

I think for couples who go on vacation or to visit the in-laws, there are methods that can be used to curtail the humiliation while giving needed rounds of discipline. A walk in the woods, cutting a switch and providing a hard spanking is often used. Taking a drive to an empty parking lot or waiting until the in-laws are out of the house are other ideas that couples have resorted to.

One of the favorite stories I’ve written is about a simple Target run on a beautiful Saturday. The argument ensues, the nasty words flying. What is a man to do when he’s caught off guard with no useful implements (other than his hand) to use? Why, he takes the wife into the crowded store, heading down the local beauty aisle to the hairbrushes. Can you imagine standing by his side as he tests out various brushes, smacking them against his hand, checking the weight and the “thudding” measure?

When he’s satisfied with selecting one or even two, both of you go about your shopping trip, but you know what you’re getting the moment you leave the store. The purchases made, he remains quiet as you unload the items then he may drive to a furthest spot in the parking lot and instructs you to remove your panties. He climbs onto the passenger seat, pulls you over his lap and with the door open, provides a solid, hard and lengthy spanking.

You wiggle, you cry, you flail but you’re not getting out of a well deserved punishment. And why should you? You broke the rules. You humiliated him in public. You acted like a misbehaving child. Don’t you deserve to have your naked ass smacked with a thick, wooden brush?

What are your thoughts? Has your significant other spanked you in any kind of public setting? Do you think some form of humiliation can help? And, do you like reading stories that include these kinds of spankings? Inquiring minds want to know. I hope I’ve given you some delicious thoughts. Enjoy your day.

Kisses and spanks…

Piper

Spanking Implements – Part Two

Yes, more about spanking implements. I must admit, the various reactions are priceless. I think everyone who is a spanker or spankee has a favorite piece. They are more comfortable using a belt perhaps or a favorite wooden brush they’ve had with them for years. Then, of course, there is the correct implement for the punishment. And still, convenience plays an important role. Imagine carrying various spanking implements in your carry on as you’re standing at the airport. Um… Can you imagine the faces of the security folks? What is this, Mr. Smith?

Oh, I work with carpets and always carry my favorite carpet beater wherever I go. You never know when you’re going to need one.

Right… I would love to be the next person in line. I’ve talked with many disciplinarians table of spanking implementswho travel with a suitcase especially designed to hold various implements in a just so position. From straps to paddles, quirts to floggers, they might have thirty or so – for the perfect session. I was a speaker at a conference once and of course the seminar? BDSM and the correct implements to use. Now, given I’m an author and was partnered with an actual paid disciplinarian, well, you can imagine the discord. I had a blast watching as they unloaded the very large bag, presenting their prized collection. Do you think I was a little bit out of my element?

But I must admit, the various implements are exciting. In writing my books, I’ve already told you that I try and select something different each time. But… My characters don’t necessarily have a full entourage of spanking devices in their closets. Well, a few do LOL. Let’s take a look at a few other favorites.

THE WOODEN SPOON

We all have at least one in our kitchens. They’re placed along side spatulas, measuring cups and knives, waiting to cook the perfect meal. However, think about the other well intended use. A hard spanking. For me, there’s something very seductive about the concept of receiving a spanking in the kitchen. Perhaps you’re both together one afternoon, making dinner. The wine is poured, the music playing and pasta ready to slide into scalding water. Then an argument ensues and you lose your cool.

wooden spoons“Don’t give me any crap, Mark. I only purchased two dresses,” Mindy snapped and took a gulp of wine, rolling her eyes.

Mark exhaled, the act allowing his anger to release. He thought about the way she’d been acting, the nasty words and over spending that had been going on for two weeks. Enough was enough. Turning off the water, he eyed the wooden spoon on the counter and realized what had to be done. “There are rules that you must follow, ones you’ve agreed to. You’ve broken several of them over the last few weeks and I’ve allowed you to get away with it. No longer, Mindy.”

“What does that mean?”

“That means, it’s time for a spanking.”

“We’re making dinner!” Mindy scoffed.

“Dinner can wait. Take off your panties.” He turned to face her, the spoon in his hand.

“Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head. “Remove your panties and lie down on the kitchen table. We are doing this now!”

After a slight hesitation, Mindy eased her wine glass onto the counter, her face pinched, her breathing heavy. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Mark asked as he lifted a single eyebrow.

“Yes, sir.” Mindy eased her hands under her dress and wiggled. When she slipped out of her thong, she did as required, handing Mark her panties. After giving him a heated look, she slowly walked to the kitchen table.

He kept his eyes on her, the look stern, as she laid down, her legs dangling. “I’m going to give you thirty strikes and if you don’t behave through dinner, the punishment will continue. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Suddenly her voice was very small, the tone full of regret.

He took long strides to the table, lifting her legs. “Hold them straight for me.” When her legs were in the appropriate position, he rubbed her ass cheeks. “I know you don’t like to receive spankings, but this time, it’s well deserved.”

Crack! Smack!

Well, can you imagine the humiliation, the pain coursing through your ass as he spanks you diaper style on the very kitchen table that you’re going to share a delicious dinner? My guess is that you will reconsider your next purchase.

THE SWITCH

Oh, the switch. Just thinking about it should give you the heebie-jeebies. There is nothing quite as mind bending at least to me. Why? Because it’s so simple yet so cathartic. Switches are found anywhere. Of course there are bushes better served than others. The selection is based on flexibility and the ability to withstand those swings. Dominants or rattan switchesHeads of Household often use them as a deterrent, adding that heightened level of humiliation. Think about the scenario.

You’re at home and your husband or lover has stated in no uncertain terms that you are going to receive a spanking. This time, he’s going to cut the perfect switch from your own yard. He grabs the cutter out of the kitchen drawer and leads you outside, heading for the bank of shrubs that might have been planted with discipline in mind. He directs you to the back of the yard, only fifty yards from your neighbor.  You stand by his side, watching as he touches various stems, your thoughts drifting to the spanking that will come only moments later.

After cutting two or three, he tests them out, swinging, using that perfect snap of his wrist. Every time you hear the whooshing sound, you quiver, trembling because you know that soon the switch will be sliced against your naked ass and legs. You remember the sting, the burning sensations and know that this spanking will remain with you for some time. When he’s satisfied, he takes the time, outside and right there in front of your neighbors who are enjoying a barbecue, to slice portions of bark from the outer edges, revealing the tender green portion inside. After swinging one last time, he leads you back inside, directing you to remove your clothes.

Whoosh!

Are you quivering yet?

THE QUIRT

I have a friend, a very dominating male, who absolutely loves the quirt. He took his time ordering the perfect one after doing hours of research. He had a special case and told me stories about how he uses the implement on his wife. Yes, he reserved the use for times when rules infractions were egregious. I will never forget the first time I held the leather in my hand, rubbing my fingers across the strand. You might remember that the quirt is quirtoften used in horse training, although I doubt in the same use of power or strength of the hard smack.

Whew, I still shiver thinking about the way he swung the implement, snapping his wrist as he demonstrated how he used the quirt. He practiced, learning his craft – as he told me. I can only imagine being naked, perhaps tied to a spanking bench or ‘X’ cross and having this used. The anticipation, the anxiety as he reminds you about why this is being used and just how many strikes you’re going to receive.

An amazing tool in my opinion.

Just a few thoughts this morning. There are dozens of types of spoons, paddles, straps and the picture above shows you how a collection can be built. So the questions. How many implements do you have in your house? Are there specific ones used for different levels of infractions? Who finds the implements and where do you go to look for them? There are plenty of sites on the Internet, but I’ve heard many couples say they prefer to look in unusual places, like flea markets and yard sales. Oh, the delicious thoughts I have this morning.

Kisses and spanks…

Piper