A Man’s Journey Into Becoming a Dominant

I think you all know I write stories with strong alpha males – or dominants. Readers enjoy a powerful, influential man. They adore the executives and billionaires, cowboys and military men. Just human nature for women I think. In writing various pieces, I’ve had the joy of talking to many dominants and some that truly lived and explored becoming a Dom in the relationship. I’m writing a very dark piece right now (along with the last Missoula Smokejumpers book) and had some thoughts.

Do you love your Dom or your submissive? You might adore them so much you can’tb and w elequent love breathe and the joy in sharing the amazing journey becomes an incredible affirmation. I’m not certain I can place the experience into words. Love isn’t always a part of the lifestyle. One aspect is…

Trust. The single word and concept alone in a D/s or M/s relationship is vital. There is no other concept more important. In my mind, trust is the only reason any woman can fully submit to a Dom. The basic aspect isn’t achieved in a day or a week and the courage in allowing a woman to trust, to open up has to do with the man inside. What can’t be confused is trust and love. Is love and trust often intertwined? Well of course it is, however, the innate trust you have to have for the other person is ten times more extreme, more intense than what you might share in a vanilla relationship. There are degrees of trust – without a doubt. You trust your friends, the ones you grew up with, perhaps even some with your life. You certainly trust your parents or other family members to guide you, nurture or comfort you when you’ve fallen down an ugly path. You may trust your employer enough to believe in the company to complete your career with them all because of a single boss.

Trust is a word that’s thrown around a lot in every relationship. If there’s no trust, there’s no willing to work together as a team or to talk completely in an uninhibited fashion with your spouse or significant other. Think about the last time you wanted to share a very deep-seated emotion or fear. Was there one person you truly believed you could without fear of being made fun of? For a lot of women, they find this in their best girlfriends. I have one I can share anything with – good, bad or ugly – and I know she’ll be supportive. She has never judged me or condemned my way of life or the writing I do. She has no desire to be spanked or become a submissive, but she’s listened to me during times of joy as well as pain. She’s heard about the stories I write, the people I talk to, more than curious as to the different types of lifestyles.

Men have this too of course, but a lot of men tend to keep their bravado, the tightly woven mask, when talking to their best buds. They need to feel macho and perhaps at times superior, even when they’re hurting inside. Women cry frequently. The release allows a cathartic moment, a way to deal with heartache or rejection, being fired or during times of financial difficulties. What do men do? For many, they hide behind a wall. Some feel they have to be a man’s man, the kind who never shows emotion, certainly will never cry. Others will, but the men I’ve known and talk to are a bit terrified of being themselves.

Trust – there are two kinds that are so very important in D/s relationships. First and foremost is the trust of yourself. I’ve talked a lot about women learning to trust their instincts, feel their way through their very complex set of emotions. Do you think men who are finding their way as the dominant force worry about their thoughts, their inner feelings? Of course they do. They simply don’t often feel as if they have an avenue to grasp onto the man inside, turning inward initially and truly reflecting. For my guy readers, when was the last time you felt comfortable telling your gal you were afraid of something? Be honest.

This is the first step. Being honest with what you need both from the man buried deep inside to the woman who needs your guidance can be daunting. Learning to trust your gut takes times as well as self-realization. I honestly think for men the key that can I will take youunlock the man inside is at times painful, revealing. Fw men want to divulge they have a dark or sadistic side, or completely the opposite and are truly deep and emotional. Yes, there can be both. We have this ridiculous concept of what and how men should be. And for the majority of men? They follow the path, refusing to believe in their desires, needs burning within. I’ve talked to many Dom’s over the years. When the flood gates were opened up, their thoughts were ripe with so many fears and frustrations yet yearning to talk about every aspect of domination as well as sadistic tendencies. One is particular was very open to me, truly explaining the journey he and his submissive went through. I felt blessed from the first moment he was able to open up to me. After only a few weeks, I realized how much he trusted me with parts of himself he’d never been able to tell anyone before – except his submissive. My trust of him grew exponentially. I learned through our intense conversations about the man. This really gave me such a wonderful perspective about the life of a Dom.

His ability to talk to his submissive (and certainly not just me) allowed him to embrace the dark side he continues to fear today. I’ve written about fears nestled within men and women. For men, this truly gnaws at his ability to trust. Being concerned another man might want what he has is natural. Acting on jealousy without proof or provocation becomes destructive for any couple. For those in D/s – this can destroy. Jealousy is fairly primal in men. They are hunters and gatherers after all. They might not say they want you after a relationship has turned sour, but you better believe they don’t want you with another man. This breaks their confidence, tests their manhood.

Can this be avoided totally? Well, we are human first after all. The answer might be a resounding ‘no’ but you don’t have to succumb to this type of darkness. Men as dominants have the distinct responsibility to nurture and train, guide their submissives not only into the lifestyle they both agreed upon, but the very one he’s thought about perhaps his entire life. In order to do so, every man has to be as open as women tend to be. Granted, women are very good at hiding their true feelings. Often they don’t want to upset the applecart. That’s something women who are entering into a submissive lifestyle really have to think about, dig deep into their psyche. Women push hard when they aren’t getting their questions or concerns addressed. Men back away, moving into a neat little box they can place on a shelf.

This particular Dom is extremely good at this. He can compartmentalize with the best of them. The conversations were frank and enlightening. Garnering respect or trust isn’t done while being tied to a cross, flogged then fucked. This is all about communication, long talks over glasses of wine or walks in the woods.

For Dom’s, they need to embrace they have as many sides as women do, their emotions often tied to a disruptive past or difficult family. They question trust of the woman they adore or long to Dom. What they’re really doing is releasing every aspect of the man single arm shackledinside. They worry that in letting go, telling and showing who they really are, they’ll somehow seem weak. This is so very much the opposite for women in general and especially for submissives.

To garner success as a couple, you have to let go of the fears, discuss and embrace, cry or frustrate as necessary. This isn’t easy, but it’s a must. Men, you must know the man inside within quavering from who you are and what you need. Can you do this? Time will tell as you share and open up more, but you must. Trust… Do you trust you? If and only when you can, then you’ll be able to share the life you crave with the woman (or man) standing next to you.

Reflective thoughts…

Kisses and spanks…

Piper

 

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My Special Guest – Bethany Leigh

I have another fabulous guest on my blog today. She’s not new to writing but did take a couple years off. She has an exciting new release, one set in 1999 when the internet dating concept was just beginning. It’s exciting and all about discipline. Let’s take a taste…

GROOMED – BETHANY LEIGH

BLURB

It’s 1999 and Charlotte and Connor have just got the internet at home. One night, Charlotte comes across an intriguing forum. It consists mostly of women posters whose husbands discipline them when they misbehave. In other words, they’re living Charlotte’s dream!

Charlotte’s marriage is in trouble. Work and family pressures have pushed her and Connor apart. The forum posters claim domestic discipline makes marriages closer, more intimate, that sex is through the roof. Charlotte wonders whether introducing the old-Bethany Groomed finalfashioned discipline she yearns for can bring her and Connor closer together too.

But Connor doesn’t take to the lifestyle and the failure frustrates Charlotte and drives them even further apart. In desperation, she seeks out a disciplinarian through the forum to satisfy her needs. He seems caring, thoughtful and is willing to take things slowly, allow time to build trust.

But there’s a missing backpacker who just might have a connection with the same disciplinarian.

Can Charlotte trust this charming man she’s met on the internet?

And how will it affect her marriage to Connor?

Will Charlotte ever get the loving discipline she craves?

EXCERPT

Thread: My worst spanking

Panda: What was the worst spanking you ever got from your husband? The worst spankings (there were several of them but they were all because of the same thing) I ever got from Hayden happened during our first Christmas after we were married. As you know, I was still struggling with bulimia when we married, and Hayden was trying to help me recover in his inimitable way!

Well, you know what Christmas and the run-up to it is like. All those work functions! Not to mention family dinners. Our calendar was chock-full of parties and dinners, and I was dreading it. The pressure to eat, having to control myself around so much tempting food, all the guilt about whether I was eating too much or too little. Of course, it would have been best to confide in Hayden, tell him I was finding it difficult. But no, of course, like always, I wasn’t very good at being sensible.

I managed the first function (his cricket club barbecue) okayish. I ate more than I was comfortable with, but I didn’t starve myself before or after and I didn’t purge. But my body felt uncomfortable and when we attended the second party (my work party) I couldn’t carry on eating that way till after Christmas. I’d blow up like a balloon!

So I skipped breakfast and lunch on the day of the work function. And fortunately it was a buffet, so I filled up my plate under Hayden’s eagle eye, then circulated, pretending to eat. But when I thought Hayden wasn’t looking, I deposited the contents of my plate in a nearby rubbish bin.

You guessed it. I’d only *thought* Hayden wasn’t looking. Turns out he’d been surreptitiously keeping an eye on me, suspecting I might be up to my old tricks.

He came over to me, touched me lightly on the arm, and said, “I think it’s going to be warmer tonight than we expected,” which is his code for, “When we get home tonight, I am going to warm your bottom.”

And, boy, did he. As soon as we got back (after midnight), he told me, “Get ready for bed and I’ll see you in my office in ten minutes.”

He looked and sounded so stern that I was showered, in my PJs, and in his office in under ten minutes. I didn’t want to risk a second spanking for disobedience!

Bethany Groomed_promo 4When I walked into the office, he was sitting in the armchair and holding a wooden ruler in his hand. My insides lurched, and I whispered, “Hayden, I’m so sorry.”

Hayden tapped his knee with the ruler. “We’ll discuss your behaviour after you’ve been punished.”

I draped myself across his lap. He yanked down my pyjama bottoms and positioned me so that my left arm was trapped against his body. He took my free hand and held it against my back, so I couldn’t try to protect my bottom and risk getting my hand struck with the ruler. Then he brought the ruler down hard across my bottom.

He smacked me over and again with the ruler, concentrating on my sit spots. It wasn’t long before I started crying, but he must have given me another twenty hard whacks before he was through.

When he’d finished, he gently lifted me up and cuddled me on his lap. “You behaved very badly at the party tonight, sweetheart,” he said, gently soothing the sore broad stripes on my bottom as he scolded me. “You didn’t eat, you threw your food in the bin, and you tried to deceive me instead of telling me you needed help.”

“I know,” I said between gulps. “I’m so sorry.”

“The thing is,” he continued, “I now feel like I can’t trust you at these functions. So I’m going to take some pre-emptive action before every single function we attend, including Christmas dinner. Before we go out I’m going to spank you. But I will only spank one cheek, and as long as you behave yourself and eat sensibly, that’ll be the end of it. But if you misbehave, we’ll come home and I’ll spank the other cheek. But I hope the one very sore buttock will be a reminder to you to behave yourself all evening.”

The tears dripped from my face as I processed the idea of being spanked almost every day between now and Boxing Night. “We have two functions on Christmas Day,” I whispered.

“And you’ll get two pre-emptive spankings,” he said firmly.

I cried myself to sleep that night, while Hayden cuddled me. I wished I’d never been so stupid at the party. I was already very sore and sorry and the thought of being spanked again in less than twenty-four hours’ time was…well, let’s say I wasn’t looking forward to it a lot.

Oh, I love this! Congratulations on your latest book release and I’m so glad you joined me.

Kisses and spanks…

Piper

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My Special Guest – Loki Renard

You know how I love having guests. I have a very sinful girl, and I say this in the most delightful way, on my blog today. I asked her to answer a few questions. You know how I am. She has an amazing best selling book HOT off the presses. Dark. Dangerous. And oh, so delicious – Shamefully Broken. I hear there is a follow up book already on pre-release. Join me in welcoming…

LOKI RENARD

Tell me a little about yourself.

I’m Loki Renard.

When did you first want to become an author?

When I found out that literally anybody is allowed to write books. There’s absolutely no entry requirements or restrictions. Crazy! And, you can write whatever you want inside Loki shamefully broken cover imagethe books themselves. Sometimes people will get grumpy because they don’t like the words, but that’s fine too. It’s all part of the game.

What genres of books do you write?

All the genres, but they inevitably intersect with romance and erotica.

What are your favorite books to read?

Graphic novels, because they have pictures! I mean, Dostoyevsky.

What is your favorite movie and why?

The Matrix, because Neo is ‘one’ backwards, and that’s the kind of intricate symbolism I can get down with.

Do you write for a publisher or self publish? What do you prefer and why?

Both. I like both for different reasons. It’s good to have a publishing team behind you, and it’s also good to go out on your own and experiment sometimes. I highly recommend a mix. Keeps things fresh.

Do you have a favorite time of day to write?

Early morning and late evening are the magic hours, but it’s always fun.

Do you write to music and if so – what is your go to music?

If it doesn’t sound like there should be people taking something that isn’t actually acid nearby, I’m not interested.

Where do you most often write?

In my office, where the other humans are not allowed to be.

What is the best method of marketing that you’ve found?

Passing out flyers at church. Or maybe that’s the worst. It’s hard to say. I’d say just being present socially is a good start. I tried sitting in my room staring at a wall for several years and that did NOT work as well as I’d hoped.

Do you have any advice for anyone longing to become an author?

Do it. Just do it. Seriously. There’s no magic to It. It’s the same as anything else in life. Do the work. It’s worth it.

How did you celebrate after your first book was published?

Statue of limitations is yet to lapse on that one.

FUN QUESTIONS – First thing that comes to mind and any commentary would be delicious

Dogs or Cats?

All of both.

Red or Black?

Black.

Leather or Lace?

Leather.

Meat or Seafood?

Meat.

Chocolate or Twizzlers?

There are no Twizzlers in the socialist utopia of NZ.

The Beach or the Mountains?

Both.

Champagne or Beer?

Champagne.

Sunshine or Snow?

Snow.

Dancing or Dinner and a Movie In?

Gaming 🙂

Please add a synopsis of your latest work, purchase links and your cover.

Shamefully Broken

 

 

She needs his protection. He demands her surrender.

Since the arrogant, infuriatingly sexy brute spanked her like a little girl on her eighteenth birthday seven years ago, Ellie has done her best to avoid Mason Malone, and he is the absolute last person she wants to come crawling to asking for a favor. But with her brother deep in debt to the wrong people and her life in danger, Ellie knows Mason is the only one who can help her.

Mason agrees to intervene, but the rough, battle-hardened former Marine turned millionaire owner of a private security agency is no knight in shining armor, and his assistance will come at a high price. In return for his protection, Ellie will be made to surrender her body to him utterly and completely, to be used anywhere, anytime, and in any way he pleases.

He will not be patient. He will not be gentle. He is going make her pay for all the years she spent looking down her nose, pretending she was too good for a guy like him. She will moan, plead, and cry out with pain, humiliation, and helpless, desperate need as he strips her bare, punishes her harshly, and then takes her over and over, each time harder than the last.

He is going to break her in the most shameful way imaginable, and she is going to beg him for it.

Publisher’s Note: Shamefully Broken includes spankings, sexual scenes, intense and humiliating punishments, and strong D/s themes. If such material offends you, please don’t buy this book.

 

Spanking Implements – Part Two

Yes, more about spanking implements. I must admit, the various reactions are priceless. I think everyone who is a spanker or spankee has a favorite piece. They are more comfortable using a belt perhaps or a favorite wooden brush they’ve had with them for years. Then, of course, there is the correct implement for the punishment. And still, convenience plays an important role. Imagine carrying various spanking implements in your carry on as you’re standing at the airport. Um… Can you imagine the faces of the security folks? What is this, Mr. Smith?

Oh, I work with carpets and always carry my favorite carpet beater wherever I go. You never know when you’re going to need one.

Right… I would love to be the next person in line. I’ve talked with many disciplinarians table of spanking implementswho travel with a suitcase especially designed to hold various implements in a just so position. From straps to paddles, quirts to floggers, they might have thirty or so – for the perfect session. I was a speaker at a conference once and of course the seminar? BDSM and the correct implements to use. Now, given I’m an author and was partnered with an actual paid disciplinarian, well, you can imagine the discord. I had a blast watching as they unloaded the very large bag, presenting their prized collection. Do you think I was a little bit out of my element?

But I must admit, the various implements are exciting. In writing my books, I’ve already told you that I try and select something different each time. But… My characters don’t necessarily have a full entourage of spanking devices in their closets. Well, a few do LOL. Let’s take a look at a few other favorites.

THE WOODEN SPOON

We all have at least one in our kitchens. They’re placed along side spatulas, measuring cups and knives, waiting to cook the perfect meal. However, think about the other well intended use. A hard spanking. For me, there’s something very seductive about the concept of receiving a spanking in the kitchen. Perhaps you’re both together one afternoon, making dinner. The wine is poured, the music playing and pasta ready to slide into scalding water. Then an argument ensues and you lose your cool.

wooden spoons“Don’t give me any crap, Mark. I only purchased two dresses,” Mindy snapped and took a gulp of wine, rolling her eyes.

Mark exhaled, the act allowing his anger to release. He thought about the way she’d been acting, the nasty words and over spending that had been going on for two weeks. Enough was enough. Turning off the water, he eyed the wooden spoon on the counter and realized what had to be done. “There are rules that you must follow, ones you’ve agreed to. You’ve broken several of them over the last few weeks and I’ve allowed you to get away with it. No longer, Mindy.”

“What does that mean?”

“That means, it’s time for a spanking.”

“We’re making dinner!” Mindy scoffed.

“Dinner can wait. Take off your panties.” He turned to face her, the spoon in his hand.

“Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head. “Remove your panties and lie down on the kitchen table. We are doing this now!”

After a slight hesitation, Mindy eased her wine glass onto the counter, her face pinched, her breathing heavy. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Mark asked as he lifted a single eyebrow.

“Yes, sir.” Mindy eased her hands under her dress and wiggled. When she slipped out of her thong, she did as required, handing Mark her panties. After giving him a heated look, she slowly walked to the kitchen table.

He kept his eyes on her, the look stern, as she laid down, her legs dangling. “I’m going to give you thirty strikes and if you don’t behave through dinner, the punishment will continue. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Suddenly her voice was very small, the tone full of regret.

He took long strides to the table, lifting her legs. “Hold them straight for me.” When her legs were in the appropriate position, he rubbed her ass cheeks. “I know you don’t like to receive spankings, but this time, it’s well deserved.”

Crack! Smack!

Well, can you imagine the humiliation, the pain coursing through your ass as he spanks you diaper style on the very kitchen table that you’re going to share a delicious dinner? My guess is that you will reconsider your next purchase.

THE SWITCH

Oh, the switch. Just thinking about it should give you the heebie-jeebies. There is nothing quite as mind bending at least to me. Why? Because it’s so simple yet so cathartic. Switches are found anywhere. Of course there are bushes better served than others. The selection is based on flexibility and the ability to withstand those swings. Dominants or rattan switchesHeads of Household often use them as a deterrent, adding that heightened level of humiliation. Think about the scenario.

You’re at home and your husband or lover has stated in no uncertain terms that you are going to receive a spanking. This time, he’s going to cut the perfect switch from your own yard. He grabs the cutter out of the kitchen drawer and leads you outside, heading for the bank of shrubs that might have been planted with discipline in mind. He directs you to the back of the yard, only fifty yards from your neighbor.  You stand by his side, watching as he touches various stems, your thoughts drifting to the spanking that will come only moments later.

After cutting two or three, he tests them out, swinging, using that perfect snap of his wrist. Every time you hear the whooshing sound, you quiver, trembling because you know that soon the switch will be sliced against your naked ass and legs. You remember the sting, the burning sensations and know that this spanking will remain with you for some time. When he’s satisfied, he takes the time, outside and right there in front of your neighbors who are enjoying a barbecue, to slice portions of bark from the outer edges, revealing the tender green portion inside. After swinging one last time, he leads you back inside, directing you to remove your clothes.

Whoosh!

Are you quivering yet?

THE QUIRT

I have a friend, a very dominating male, who absolutely loves the quirt. He took his time ordering the perfect one after doing hours of research. He had a special case and told me stories about how he uses the implement on his wife. Yes, he reserved the use for times when rules infractions were egregious. I will never forget the first time I held the leather in my hand, rubbing my fingers across the strand. You might remember that the quirt is quirtoften used in horse training, although I doubt in the same use of power or strength of the hard smack.

Whew, I still shiver thinking about the way he swung the implement, snapping his wrist as he demonstrated how he used the quirt. He practiced, learning his craft – as he told me. I can only imagine being naked, perhaps tied to a spanking bench or ‘X’ cross and having this used. The anticipation, the anxiety as he reminds you about why this is being used and just how many strikes you’re going to receive.

An amazing tool in my opinion.

Just a few thoughts this morning. There are dozens of types of spoons, paddles, straps and the picture above shows you how a collection can be built. So the questions. How many implements do you have in your house? Are there specific ones used for different levels of infractions? Who finds the implements and where do you go to look for them? There are plenty of sites on the Internet, but I’ve heard many couples say they prefer to look in unusual places, like flea markets and yard sales. Oh, the delicious thoughts I have this morning.

Kisses and spanks…

Piper

My Special Guest – Stella Moore

You know how I love to highlight authors! I have a delicious book and author for you today and I decided to ask her some enticing questions before we had a chance to read a snippet of her HOT off the presses release.

STELLA MOORE

What inspired you to write the book?

It was kind of a rabbit hole. It started with thinking about genies and how they deliberately play tricks on people with their wishes. The book actually started out that way and eventually morphed into Cassandra’s Curse.

Favorite Color

Purple, though I’m having an affair with teal. Don’t tell purple, though.

Favorite writing habit

Whatever gets it done – haha. I love the weekends I don’t have anyone else in the house and I can curl up on my couch in complete silence and just write. Sometimes I’ll just sit and write all day and not even remember to eat (which is a pretty BFD for me hahaha)

Favorite movie and why

Jurassic Park. I’ve been in love with dinosaurs since I was a little girl.

Favorite spanking implement and why

Leather belts. I love the rawness of them. That anticipation when you see him reach for the buckle, the sound of it leaving the loops, the way he looks when he pulls his arm back and lets that first stroke fly. Everything about being whipped with a belt puts me in the right headspace and turns me on.

CASSANDRA’S CURSE

SYNOPSIS

Seven hundred years ago, Cassandra was bound to an amulet and cursed to a life of servitude. By the time she is released by the handsome Wyatt Hartnett, she no longer believes that the curse can be lifted.

Wyatt proves to be far different than her previous masters. Kind and caring, he refusesCassandas_Curse_v1.1 to use magic to force her to obey. His methods of ensuring her obedience are more—human. Before long, her heart begins to warm and she dares to dream that this stern but decent man may indeed be her last master. The man who will set her free.

But the one who imprisoned her has only grown more powerful over the last seven centuries, and she will do whatever it takes to see that the curse remains unbroken. Is the magic of Wyatt’s love stronger enough to break the ancient curse? Or will one of them pay the ultimate price for Cassandra’s freedom?

EXCERPT ONE

“Wyatt? What are you doing?” she asked, her heart thundering in her chest.

“We have a conversation to finish,” Wyatt replied casually, but she caught the flash of fire in his eyes. “I don’t want you using your powers on other people, unless you’re in danger. I won’t use the amulet to bend your will to mine, but I do have other ways of, shall we say, encouraging better behavior.”

She could feel the desire burning between her thighs at his threat. Damn her body for responding to his high-handed ways. She was an enchantress, immortal and powerful, despite the curse. This man should be trembling at her feet, not making demands of her. “And what ways do you have that you think can sway me?”

His voice dropped to a low, seductive growl. “I’ll put you over my knee and spank your admittedly fantastic ass until you won’t even think of disobeying me again. Now, are you going to do as I’ve asked?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You wouldn’t dare.”

He chuckled. “Oh, sweetheart. Yes, I would. I can give you a demonstration when we get home if you’d like. After we’ve done what we came to do, I can take you over my knees and spank you until you’re all pink and squirming under my hand. And then, I’ve got this little paddle that would have you sobbing and promising to be a good girl in about thirty seconds. You won’t sit comfortably for a couple of days, so let me ask you again. Are you going to do as I asked?

EXCERPT TWO

“You can’t break it!” She whirled to face him. She could feel the power vibrating within her, but she forced it back. “Nobody will ever be able to break it. That is the true curse, that I must live out eternity knowing that I am nothing more than a slave, a vessel for man’s pleasure.”

“Cassie, I don’t see you that way.”

“Don’t you?” She wanted to feel rage. Wanted the hot, burning, cleansing fire of it. But all she felt was the weight of the unbearable sadness she’d carried for centuries. “You won’t touch me, but I am not free to be my own person. If I leave, the amulet will pull me back. I am bound to you. And I am bound by your rules, as you proved to me tonight. I am not free. And I never will be.” With that, she turned and fled to her room.
What tasty treats for a beautiful Sunday! Thank you for being here, Stella! Love the book.

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