Is there such a thing? Well, the words can mean many different things to each one of us. Perhaps the word ‘order’ is akin to organization or to keeping your life in a particular place. I have a wonderful book coming out next week highlighting three different couples going through significant enough difficulties in their relationships that divorce in imminent. Each one tries domestic discipline almost as a last resort. How do they handle their need to change? I hope you’ll check out Honor and Obey volume one.
I love having lively discussions about alternative lifestyles and while researching over the years, have talked to many men and women both D/s (Dominant/submissive) and DD (Domestic Discipline lifestyles. Recently, a male friend who every so often reads one of my books asked whether I believed BDSM and its various sister relationships such as D/s, M/s and DD could coexist with religious individuals. I think he means living in, working in and perhaps in a sense playing in the same space. Hmm… That does leave one to a big pause. My beliefs may be a bit jaded. Many of you may have read that domestic discipline has roots in Christianity. I mentioned that in a recent blog. If you Google the words you’re going to find many a site embracing the concept with a heavy dose of religion. The faith seems to be there along with the understanding, and my guess from taking passages from the Bible, that men were created to be the head of the household. All throughout the various passages within the sacred book, there are references to the man being in control.
Even if you follow the way of evolution, male apes were hunters and gatherers. They protected the women and the children of the clan. They were the ones who fought to the death if necessary. Through every century, every period of time there were certain punishments issued for wrong doings.
In the medieval days, punishment was doled out for misbehaving women who fought against their required duties. Spanking was regularly used. Even art work derived from eighteenth and nineteenth centuries depict wives over their husband’s knees receiving a hard spanking. There were other methods of punishment clearly seen and written about as well. If you’ve read anything about the period of time, you know there were torture chambers that would kick the butt of anything today. However if you look at the pictures, truly see what methods of discipline were being used, well… Are those the early beginnings of BDSM? Perhaps. From stockades to whipping stations, whips crafted from the hide of a cow to the invention of a cane, the methods were primitive but highly effective.
In other words since the very beginning of time until fairly recently there seemed to be that “natural order” and the concept wasn’t challenged, rarely pushed against. There was no question of women obeying their fathers then their husbands. They simply did as they were told.
Perhaps somewhere around the industrial age the thought of equality came into the forefront. Women’s rights took ahold and we know the world as it is today. Don’t get me wrong. I completely believe in women’s rights and they can be much better suited to run a corporation, should hold office, and serve in the military. However… if you’re spiritual at all you might embrace the concept that the natural order of things has been disturbed. Women began to take on more of the workload, both in and out of the home. As they began to earn money they of course spent more time out of the house and equality for women was born. I’m not here to negate the facts or to take sides, other that you’ve heard me say before I believe men have been rather emasculated by equal rights. Men feel it every day even though they might not want to say anything.
I don’t know exactly when the word “obey” was taken out of the marriage vows, but pretty much the culture was the deciding factor. Households became very equal and both the man and the woman shared everything, including stress. Arguments about money, family, friends and life became a mainstay and depending on how close or how far apart you grew as a couple seemed to depend on the rate of divorce.
No one wins these arguments either and you know the type I mean. We’ve all had a screaming battle with our spouse over what turned out to be n-o-t-h-i-n-g. The incident left a bad taste in our mouths and we usually raced away in anger, seething. Often times we went to bed enraged. Sometimes the wretched event started all over again. Who wins in this situation? No one. I can tell you that many of these kinds of arguments have left a bitter taste that lingers into months, even years later. What if you could do away with that level of angst? What if you both knew the rules and realized what would happen if they were broken? Sounds simplistic but…
My male friend has grown curious, especially since he’s read some of my stories. He’s been exploring more on sites such as Fet Life and has been reading articles and blogs, talking to Dom’s as well as searching the Internet in his quest to learn more. He realized, just like I have, the many couples are again turning toward more of a domestic discipline type relationship. Why? Probably because marriages aren’t working. We don’t have to look at a book of statistics to realize how high the divorce rate is. Even I’ve mentioned marriages should be like a lease on a car. Every five or ten years the lease is up, then you re-evaluate to determine if changes are needed or you simply terminate.
What if the relationship was based on the set of rules and the wife obeyed the husband period? There was no question, no wishy washy. Hmm… Let’s ponder the modern day version. She’d probably have an outside life including work and friends, a budget to spend and the opportunity to do what she wants within limits. What would be the major changes? She’d be required to tell her husband where she was going and have permission. She couldn’t spend the credit cards to the hilt. She’d have to do whatever chores were assigned to her and yes, she’d please him in methods of sexual pleasure as well. None of these are set in stone. Of course every couple has a choice to make their relationship what they want it to be, including every rule imposed. Couples talk about the rules together and determine which work. Then the husband often makes the final decisions. But if she broke the rules she would be punished.
There is some difference in a D/s (Dominant/submissive couple) but they have the same basic structure. The word is ‘structure’ and for many women, they truly embrace the love and devotion, the attention and care the husband/Dom has. They feel adored and cared about, safe and protected. They know they can go to him and ask for help and when they feel stressed even a spanking might make them feel less tense. If you really stop and think about the dynamics, doesn’t this seem natural? He’s the caretaker, the hunter and gatherer in the modern day sense, and he has your best interest at heart. What could be wrong with this? Just some thoughts.
HONOR AND OBEY SYNOPSIS – COMING AUGUST 30th
Honor and Obey—cherished words from the past and ones that can be difficult to live by. Relationships are difficult at times and arguments or bitter feelings can often result in the destruction of love. What if an alternative lifestyle can change everything? What if love and trust can be reborn, wrapped in a blanket of obedience? Will the couples take the chance in the hope of saving their love?
Three couples. Three stories of heartache. Three reasons to learn to honor and obey.
Do they have what it takes?