Forgive me my Sir, for I have sinned. I’ve forgotten to do my chores today, received a speeding ticket for going fifteen miles over the speed limit and masturbated in the office bathroom at lunch. I know I deserve a hard spanking!
You can laugh, but I often wonder how many submissives need to confess various sins on a regular basis. In writing, I try and bring the level of angst along with the ultimate love, worry and fear, understanding and forgiveness. Both the Dominant and the submissive are challenged by each other. Confessing often expedites the difficult situation. Or so a submissive would like to think. Could I or would I confess? Hmmm…
I’m a rather opinionated woman. I think any Dom would have a difficult time controlling me and admitting my sins? I’m not certain I would be good at that. I have two books coming out – volumes of stories where the women in the relationship learn that being obedient, submissive and receiving discipline for their sins creates harmony in the home. Is that really possible? Would confession actually help?
In Honor and Obey, I explore these questions and more. I absolutely loved getting into these characters, finding that moment they finally open up, share their inner soul. Tougher to do than you think.
Confessions. The word itself means so many different things. Whether you’re confessing a sin, a want or need, or a varying aspect of your personality others aren’t aware of, divulging secrets can be uncomfortable. We all have various thoughts or desires that we keep secret, but often things occur when we least expect them, requiring us to air our dirty laundry. People are very complicated, complex, as well as completely different inside and out, and that makes for interesting friends, lovers etc. I think one aspect that remains true for all of us – we long for acceptance. I’m realizing this more and more lately.
When I write stories, whether D/s, paranormal or gritty horror, there’s always an element of one or more characters who are hiding something grizzly. Readers savor peeling an onion, finding the juicy yet fallible center. We root for the bad guy in television and movies, and let’s face it, what girl doesn’t hunger for the rough-hewn biker type? While the exterior may be a little rugged around the edges, the heroes of our dreams all have a soft center. By the end of the book or movie, they’ve opened up to the woman they hunted, confessing their dark desires as well as intimate details about their past. The formula is all the same in romance novels. Boy meets girl, boy chases girl and he, she or both have a dirty little secret. He chases her. He pushes him away. Then they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after on a ranch/mansion/magical island. Yeah, right.
My D/s stories are quite a bit different, don’t you think? Why are they? Because of the added complexity of living in a sense two completely different lives. You live one every day when you work, spend time with certain friends and around your mother in law. You live another entirely when you’re behind closed doors. Your obedience to your Master truly begins. This is very much the way of D/s couples. The vanilla world may never know who we (yes, I place myself in this category due to what I write) truly are.
The majority of women are strong willed, very opinionated and don’t mind telling the world their thoughts. I know I push hard, often raging against the machine. In talking with several Heads of Households, they love a spirited woman who speaks her mind. They simply want to be obeyed. Again, I think with a D/s relationship, the very frank and open lines of communication allow for very pointed discussions that include various uncomfortable topics. This alone pushes away the need to hold a secret.
Let me as you a couple of questions. Are you ready to confess your sins to your lover, your Dom, your family? Can you tell the most important people in your life who you really are? Can you rip off the mask and expose your underbelly? I think for a lot of us, the question remains unanswered. We’re terrified of being made fun of, ridiculed for our beliefs. I’m not a religious person in any manner, but I do appreciate the Catholic Church and the ability to confess your sins. Once the act is complete, the confessor is exonerated, free of their evil or wicked deed. The sins are stated behind closed doors, anonymity a promise of secrecy. I’ve often wondered if some very creative murderers dropped various clues simply to unload burden from their souls.
While God and the church might be forgiving and non-prejudicial, some of our loved ones just might not be as accommodating. Then there’s the other aspect, confessing your needs to yourself. Often times we can be our own worst enemy. We anguish over our dark desires, as if they’re a bad thing. There isn’t a Dom or a Head of Household, husband or boyfriend in a vanilla life that doesn’t or shouldn’t do the same thing. We all need to expunge, cleanse.
The circles surrounding D/s or DD couples are often small. The reasons are simple. We’re judged all the time as humans. Why do we want to bring additional strife into our life? While I’m a ballsy chick and could care less the majority of the time about what others think, I grow as weary of the bullshit as anyone else. So the circles of those who truly understand an alternative lifestyle are kept intimate. We’re happy with that. The joy of sharing is wonderful indeed and I’m glad we have a select few who will never judge, but the risk with others isn’t worth the prize. So we keep the dark side a secret from the overall majority.
As we all know, there isn’t a person alive who isn’t keeping some sort of a secret from someone. White lies are often told and husbands and wives have a very separate life many times than the one they live with. I’ve seen many a vanilla marriage derailed over purported secrets, ones that didn’t even exist. When they do and they’re discovered, wound and trauma tend to ensue. Granted, when one spouse confesses to another, all hell can break lose. Should he or she have opened their mouths after being confronted? That’s a question I can’t answer, but personally I believe when someone is keeping a significant secret, there’s a great deal of unhappiness in their lives.
With regard to a D/s relationship – do I believe in the lifestyle? I honestly do believe the sharing, the giving and the closeness is unequaled. I revel at the thought. Could I find peace, a portion of my soul? That is for another blog to discuss…
I hope you’ve enjoyed.
Kisses and spanks…
PS – I’ll have some excerpts for you later this week along with the cover reveal!